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The Seeker

I wandered around, gazing confusedly at everything. I had stumbled into this place, nothing seemed familiar and no-one appeared real. There was no recognition in me.

I walked slowly. Where to ? There was the beat of my heart, was it really my heart ? This thing, this organ, keeping me alive. For what reason and for what purpose ? I continued upon my way and encountered my mind. Here thoughts formed, collided, exploded. I glanced at these thoughts suspiciously, they did not belong to me. They belonged to a stranger, a being unknown. Who am I ? I am not you, I am not me. I am not, not, not. There is no entity that is me, only an empty vessel.

My travels took me to a space composed of light. I struggled to see, to visualise that inner aspect. The light veiled that which it concealed. Who lives here ? Here is tranquility, a sense of peace and quiet. Stillness, and no movement. I heard a sigh like a startled breeze come upon the scent of a flower. Someone resides in this place, a being content and at rest. I was puzzled, curious. I spoke, there was no answer. This realm remained beyond my reach.

I ventured outside and traversed great distances. My senses transporting me to the skies above and to the oceans deep. The world greeted me reluctantly, it knew i was but passing through. I saw much of beauty and realised it was passing away. There was much of decay. I perceived death to be more alive than the living. Of life there was variety and diversity, but all that I came upon increased my loneliness and caused me to flee to seek anew. 

I stumbled across vast deserts, barren. At times scorching hot, at times freezing cold. Here was no shelter, no shade, no sustenance of any description. I found only the food that brings with it starvation. No warmth, no light, no water, no night. Nothing and no-one, except desert sands that whispered occassionally and wailed repeatedly. Here I knew fear, my grief called out for peace. Where is this ? Where am I ? Have I descended into hell ? Or is this a likeness of me ? Barren, alone, cold, devoid of light, without the company of even a thought. Is there no life in me, as there seems to be no life here ? am I dead ? Was I ever alive ? Oh sands of the desert ! Torment me not, but show me a way out. I know you not nor do you know me. I am not as you, I am as me. How to get out - I am lost in a bitter wilderness. Is there someone who can guide me back to wherever I am supposed to be ? 

I closed my eyes, weary, exhausted, no strength to do anything but fall upon the sands. They embraced me and all was silent. The stars looked upon my form, they called out to one another quietly. The moon shone down and appeared anxious. The night revolved into day as day dissolved into night. How long I lay there ? Only time witnessed the duration of my stay. I was not conscious of anything, a state most beautiful and serene. All being had ceased to be, existence withdrawn. I had entered into a state of nothingness. Yet, in this void I recalled calling out to the heavens, "Are You there ? Are You true ? Are You real ? May I return to You ?" Something stirred, someone spoke my name. I became agitated, I denied I had any name. I cried out in despair, "No, no, I am nameless. You alone are the one with the names."  Again, my name was spoken, gently, kindly, tenderly. I tried to reject my name, but a voice stilled the anguish in me. 

I was afraid. Is it too late ? Is there no hope of return ? Where is my true abode ? Not here and not there. In this realm I am imprisoned behind walls constructed by this self and the world, I absolutely rejected both. There I was too frightened to believe I could be released and set free. Can I go now ? But where ? The question denied the answer. And then, once more I  found myself facing that veil, the light that concealed. Who lay beyond that curtain? How many layers of light were before me ? I heard a sigh and moved forward. The light parted, separated. I was absorbed by it. The vision imagined and sought. The vision realised and made real. It was the vision of the soul. Inexpressible and immeasurable. To be expressed not by words nor measured by thoughts. Is this who I truly am ? Can this really be me ? Was I gazing upon my soul ? Not my self - but my soul ? The seeker in me had arrived, my destination had discovered me. For I had been lost upon my way, I had no way to find, no door to open. All had been found for me, the doors had been opened for me. An infinity and eternity of doors, leading to the depths and heights of the soul.

My journey was complete, sorrow had accompanied me as well as loneliness and hopelessness. But journey's end related a happy truth. Nothing is to be found if seeking is not profound. The seeker and the sought, they must eventually meet. Such is the way of those who came before. Who will I meet in this realm ? I will meet the one I sought, a promise made, a promise fulfilled. I merge and emerge as new. A new beginning to a perfect ending. I saw a vision - my soul will behold it forever.

 

 

 
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